How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"
The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."
Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Sneed feed seed.
Formerly Chuck's!
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.
One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,
"We will give you a replacement!"
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
