Business jokes
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
7-Eleven
8-Eleven
9/11
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
Why can’t orphans go to a family restaurant?
Because there’s no family.
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?
Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.
Have you heard of Wendy's?
Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.
Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.
And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")
But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)
Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket
So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)
I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long
My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."
I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:
"Cashier: Which one?"
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!