Bus jokes

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

What's big and yellow...?

A bus full of kids.

Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?

Because their car ran out of RHYME.

Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

Bus went vrrrrrrrm.

What do you call a flying bus?

An Airbus.

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.

What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.

Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.

The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.

Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.

What did the bus driver say to the lady with one leg?

Hop on.

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

Which month is the bus? December.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

"BU" is the element of a surprise. Boo!

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.