Bus jokes
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Ignition of the bus engine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrdQcalibEo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC7S6BZVXkI
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Helicopters...
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
What is something that smells yuck? 🤮
Old bus seats.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A school bus.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
What do you call a flying bus?
An Airbus.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!
What do you call a school bus that you cannot drive?
A friend.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.