Burning jokes
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
Even if you do burn down an orphanage, it's not gonna matter. It's not like they have homes.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.