Brand jokes
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
Takis.
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
Memes
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
What is the most favorite coffee brand of feminists? Taster's Choice!
What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?
...Rape.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
You think you guys are funny, but look at your hairline. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol. 😂😂😂😂😭😭💀🤨🍆💦👶🏻😈😈😈😈😈😂😂😂😂😂😂👍😳😳😳😭😭😭😭😭😭🤨
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.