Brand jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.
What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell.
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?
It's called the Ep-bean.
Your forehead’s so big it got sponsored by GAP.
What’s a rapper’s favorite kind of SODA?
Dr. Dre Pepper.
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of SHOE?
Ad-lib-idas.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?
Stole his slogan, just do it!
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.
Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.
In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.
But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.
Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.
So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.
Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
I got kicked out of flight school, so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis).
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.