Bought jokes

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

Your mama is so stupid, she bought tickets for Xbox Live.

How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?

A Cor-owner.

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

Yo mama so stupid!

She bought a spoon... TO THE SUPERBOWL!

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

How much did the haulla-cost?

A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?

The apple was already bitten.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.