Book jokes
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Why did the rapper bring a suitcase to the studio?
Because he was packing his rhyme books!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.