I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
a man went into a libary to get a book on how to commit sucide the libarian said "no you won't bring it back
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
What kind of book does cheese read at a church?
The Hole-y Bible.
It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
Make him read a book.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
What’s a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
