Book jokes

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

What's a gun's favorite type of literature?

Magazine.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

What famous book writer for kids loved insects?

Beatrix Potter.

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

Make him read a book.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.