Book jokes

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

What famous book writer for kids loved insects?

Beatrix Potter.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Make him read a book.

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."