Book jokes

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

What's a gun's favorite type of literature?

Magazine.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."