Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.
If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.
