Body jokes
Yo mama so fat that when she went to take a crap... she couldn't even take a crap!
Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."
penis balls cum <3
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
I have no legs.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.