Body jokes
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
Say "eye," smell "map," say "ness."
(I am a penis!) HA HA!