Body jokes

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

Butt hehe.

You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

Yo mama's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

(insert funny joke about a dick here).

Did you laugh? Be honest.

What is the toughest part of the human body?

Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

What do you call a man with no head? Airhead.

My bum hurts.