Body jokes

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Roses are red, the grass is greener,

Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

My dick said that your ass is having a boner.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

You have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone book!

Why did the midget laugh when he ran? Because the grass tickles his balls.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a battery up her a** and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

What's red and runs up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Up your butt with a coconut!