Body jokes
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
Daikon legs.
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
My dick said that your ass is having a boner.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
Why did the midget laugh when he ran? Because the grass tickles his balls.