Body jokes
Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Why does Barry Bannan laugh when he plays football?
Because the grass tickles his balls because he's so short.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)
Who wants a picture of my pp?
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
Ty choked on DT’s willy.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.