Body jokes

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?

Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

Farts.

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

It's tiring being straight 24/7.

Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Why does Blake like lakes? Because of cake!

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

I farted.

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Your forehead is so big, John Cena could wrestle on it.