Body jokes
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Why did the dick suck my ass? They died.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
"Hey man, what’s your name? Oh, my name is... Do your balls hang low? Can you swing it to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?"
Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.
Kid: Please.
Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.
Kid: Everybody is hugging.
Why was the skeleton sad at the dance?
Because it had "no body" to go with.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Why were the Indians telling the others to chop off their noses when they got close to 12 inches?
Because then it would be a foot. LOL! I may have peed myself.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
I would tell you a joke about my dink, but it's too long.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.