Blow jokes
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”
That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼♂️.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!