Blow Jokes

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

Hello people, my name is Osama.

I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!

A cartoon image shows a person in a pink bathrobe asking for a blow dryer, while a trollface character stands behind them holding a gun instead.

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Watching porn.

Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”

That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼‍♂️.

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."