Blow

Blow jokes

Israel

    • How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:

    “I want to nutinyahu.”

    “I’d blow up a school for you.”

    “Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”

    “I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”

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    • Woman

    • I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.

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    • Nursery Rhyme

    • "Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

    "Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

    Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

    when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

    Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

    Blow memes

    Neighbor

    • Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

    The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

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    • Dog

    • So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

    About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

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    • Frog

    • Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

    Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

    Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

    "Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

    Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

    Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

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    • Game

    • My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

    Me: So tell me about it then.

    My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

    Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

    My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

    Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

    My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

    Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

    My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

    Me: My bad again. Do continue.

    My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

    Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

    My cousin: By the game.

    Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

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    • Balloon

    • "Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

    (Later)

    "Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

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