My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Birthday Jokes
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
When you're born on 4/20/69...
Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."