My wife is so fat! She wears high heels she strikes oil. When she sits around the house she really sits around the house. Everytime she turns around it's her birthday.
for my birthday on sept 11 this year I just want a plane chocolate cake
For my birthday on September 11th this year I just want a plane but delicious chocolate cake
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.
A father came to his daughters 18th birthday he finally came
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday
Yo momma so old, her birthday's expired.
why is 4/20 such an epic date?
because It's weed day, columbine, AND hitler's birthday ;)
Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have? Because no one forgets it! :))
My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays Birthday girl: Oh wow! Parent: Anyone missing? Birthday girl: Your parents
i got a toaster for my birthday and said "yay new bath bomb"
Wanna know something funny? Well there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage. Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke and then 9 months later I was born. My birthday. (4/1/06) April 1, 2006
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins the doctor said but the lady was like
The lady: ugh why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl not a boy to just a girl!!!!!!!,!
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma the man who was in labor died the two babys got a nanny a evil one the nanny killed the babys on there first birthday
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To:The Orphan
From : ______
The orphan turned 18 but he was happy bcz he didnt have to pay rent to his parents.
what did the blind kid get for his birtday? Idk he still didnt look
