Birthday jokes
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell a brat.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.