Birth jokes

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.

Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"