Birth jokes
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?
"Kinder Egg surprise."
Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
Yo mama so hairy, you got carpet burn when you were born.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.