Birth jokes
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
"Dustin Jordan Manna should have been an abortion."
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?
Where are virgins usually born?
Virginia.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!