Beverage jokes
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop.
“Huh, I wonder why he needs a mop?”
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
What's a Jew's favorite drink?
Mountain Jew.
Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk!
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!