Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk!
Why is the rum gone?
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
