Beverage jokes
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.