Beverage jokes
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
Fosters.
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
help people
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
What did the grape say to the rapper?
"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.
I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.
What is an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.