Beverage jokes
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Mi-hee-lk.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Pop a choccy milk!
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
I got hit with a can of soda.
It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.