Beverage jokes
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.