Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
What is purple and whines when itβs squished?
A bunch of grapes! ππ
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Whatβs an orphanβs least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
Q: Whatβs a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
