Beverage jokes
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks?
Because they're afraid of ice!
Why can't I drink tea??
Because I laugh too much. TEEEEEHEHEEE
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"What the fuck is in this drink?"
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.