What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A dipresso espresso.
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
