Beverage jokes
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
What type of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
Milk (DYM 115).
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid.
Blake drinks Coke.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
Why did the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice!
A hamburgur walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve food here."
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.