Beverage jokes
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Answer: Tequila
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."