Beverage jokes

Blake drinks Coke.

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

What type of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality.

Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.

If a tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

"HEY THAT’S MY MILK!"

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

If Carlsberg did wheelchairs...

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

What is your true crush?

A soda crush.

What is the favorite drink of a vampire?

bloody mary.