A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
Beverage Jokes
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
How do rappers like their coffee?
With a little bit of RAP-PUCCINO.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
bloody mary.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
