Beverage jokes
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Mi-hee-lk.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
How does Jesus make tea? Hebrews it.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!