A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
He asked for a shot of beer?
He got shot and killed.
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
