What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What did the grape say to the rapper?
"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
Pop a choccy milk!
A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
Iron jug.
