Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".
What type of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.
Fruit punch sounds like the name of a gay boxer.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
How do you call a sad coffee? A depresso!
What is an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
