Best

Best jokes

Earthquake

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

Sex

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.

KGB

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Memes

Easter

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Stephen Hawking

Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.

Mom

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

Comeback

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

Cock

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

Sex

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Atm

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Cancer

Cancer

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.