Best jokes

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

What's the best song to sing to George Floyd?

"I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?

"That's the best shag I never had."

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

I like dicks... sporting goods.

Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.

What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

9/11 pilots are the best readers.

They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.