A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Best Jokes
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
