My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."
Me:.....
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
