Best jokes
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Memes
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?