A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
What's the best song to sing to George Floyd?
"I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor.
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
