Best jokes

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

When is the best time to go to the dentist?

2:30.

What's the best way to find the Twin Towers?

Bucket.

Why is the wheel the best invention?

Because it's wheely wheely great!

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

Where do you go to get the best fish?

A restaurant on the Titanic.

What's the best name for a prostitute?

SI-MOAN.

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!