What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
