Best jokes

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. the extra testicle.

Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.

I had the best butterfingers yesterday.

I dropped it.

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them!

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!