When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Best Jokes
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
When he asked who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
