Q: What is the best Disney character?
A: Toe Mater.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
