Best jokes
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:
"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...
YOU WERE BORN!"
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.