Being jokes
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.
Genders are like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*