Being jokes
Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
experiment
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
Aiden and Gwen! Are Aiden and Gwen dating? 'Cause if they are, then oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Kenya says: Yes, they are deep in love!
Tenya says: Yeah, but I think he would be good with Hoochie girl 101!
Gwen says: Guys stop! You really think that!
Tenya and Kenya say: Yes!
Kariah says: No! I belong with him. He is MINEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Mariah says: Girl, you need to grow up!
Tenya says: Yeah! When are you guys getting married?
Lariah says: YEAH!!!!!!
Iariah says: Yeah!!!!!!!
Gwen says: Next Sunday!
All girls say: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next Sunday, they got married! YAYAYAYYAYAYAY!
Mariah says: Congrats!
Kenya says: Yeah!
Kariah says: Hi Aiden, super cute tux!
Lariah says: Wooohoooo!
Iariah says: Yeah! U won it!
Tenya: This is you guys' time to shine!!!!!!!!
And they lived happily ever after...in hell! The end!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."