Being jokes
It would be fun, they said...
It was unsinkable, they said...
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.
Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?
Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.
Women need to be in the kitchen.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.