Being jokes

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?

Father-less.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

Because they're never wanted.

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

There should be a "kick an orphan" day.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?

"May divorce be with you."