Being jokes
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they want to be wanted.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?
They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Nerds be like...
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
What do you call a shadow?
Tyrone, don’t be a coon!
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.
Seek: Why do I have to be it?
Figure: Because your name says so.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.