Being jokes
What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?
Neither can be found.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.