Being jokes
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
These jokes suck. Lmfao y'all gotta be more creative!
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Could a phone booth also be called a chatterbox?
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
Texas be like everything is bigger here: guns and winter storms!
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.