Being jokes

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

Why did the cheetah go to school?

To be a cheetah.

If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

Orphan jokes aren't to be made fun of.

They're just aimed at older audiences. Oh wait.

THEY AREN'T EVEN OLDER AGES.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.

What is the best part of being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family sized.

What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?

A trans-former.