Being jokes
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
These jokes suck. Lmfao y'all gotta be more creative!
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.