Being jokes
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
What do 9-year-old girls want? To be ate again!
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Tis the season to be spooky.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
They don’t have a closet to hide in.