Behavior jokes

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?

If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Stop bullying orphans!

What if they tell their parents?

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

Why do you want me?

Cus u like me...

What do you mean?

You love me.

No.

Look down.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"

They didn't reply.

I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."