Behavior jokes

Walk into the club like, "Wow, I got a big penis!"

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

Why do you want me?

Cus u like me...

What do you mean?

You love me.

No.

Look down.

Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

Mum: And that is?

*Kid walks out.*

*Kid comes back in with milk.*

Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?

If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

Stop bullying orphans!

What if they tell their parents?

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.